Author: Kelly

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A few words from George

carlin_photo.jpgGeorge Carlin’s Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

“How old are you?” “I’m four and a half!” You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five!

That’s the key. You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back.

You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. “How old are you?” “I’m gonna be 16!” You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life…

You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re Just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60. You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; “I Was JUST 92.”

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. “I’m 100 and a half!” May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
Continue reading “A few words from George”

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It’s a boy!

I finally broke down and decided to get Abbey a playmate. I had a Corgi in mind, but he was already adopted. There was a Jack Russell around the corner and he was available! Here’s Peanut the Jack Russell Terrier. He’s probably the most affectionate little dog I’ve ever seen. I’m not one to be stuck on decency, but the ol’ Red Rocket was so obvious in this picture, I Photoshopped the image so you’d know he’s a dog and not a horse.
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Actor Don Knotts dies at 81

don_knotts.jpgLOS ANGELES, California (AP) — Don Knotts, who kept generations of TV audiences laughing as bumbling Deputy Barney Fife on “The Andy Griffith Show” and would-be swinger landlord Ralph Furley on “Three’s Company,” has died. He was 81.
Knotts died Friday night of pulmonary and respiratory complications at a Los Angeles hospital, said Paul Ward, a spokesman for the cable network TV Land, which airs his two signature shows.

Griffith, who remained close friends with Knotts, said he had a brilliant comedic mind and wrote some of the show’s best scenes.

“Don was a small man … but everything else about him was large: his mind, his expressions,” Griffith said Saturday. “Don was special. There’s nobody like him.
“I loved him very much,” Griffith added. “We had a long and wonderful life together.”
Unspecified health problems had forced Knotts to cancel an appearance in his native Morgantown in August.

The West Virginia-born actor’s half-century career included seven TV series and more than 25 films, but it was the Griffith show that brought him TV immortality and five Emmys. Continue reading “Actor Don Knotts dies at 81”

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‘West Wing’ Actor John Spencer Dies at 58

By LYNN ELBER
AP Television Writer

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Actor John Spencer, who played the role of Leo McGarry in “The West Wing,” mirrored his character in several ways: Both were recovering alcoholics and both were driven.

“Like Leo, I’ve always been a workaholic, too,” he told The Associated Press in a 2000 interview. “Through good times and bad, acting has been my escape, my joy, my nourishment. The drug for me, even better than alcohol, was acting.”

Spencer died of a heart attack Friday. In a sad parallel to life, his character on the show had earlier suffered a heart attack that forced him to give up his White House job.

Spencer died after being admitted to a Los Angeles hospital during the night, said his publicist, Ron Hofmann. He would have been 59 on Tuesday.

He was “one of those rare combinations of divinely gifted and incredibly generous,” said Richard Schiff, who plays Toby Ziegler on the NBC series.

Continue reading “‘West Wing’ Actor John Spencer Dies at 58”

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Christmas Season 2005

To keep in the Christmas spirit, here are the lyrics to Leary’s famous seasonal song. Sing along now!

Old St. Nick’s got bourbon breath,
It’s so cold you could catch your death,
A cop just sold me some crystal meth,
It’s a Merry F&*#@!g Christmas.

Everything’s so Christmassy,
The streets are twinkling with frozen pee,
My priest just sat on Santa’s knee,
It’s a Merry F&*#@!g Christmas.

(chorus)
All the kids go to bed each night, to dream what Santa brings ’em,
Unless you’re jewish or muslim or some other gyp religion.

Crappy toys flying off the shelves,
Midgets dress up to look like elves,
Spread good cheer or burn in hell,
It’s a Merry F&*#@!g Christmas.

(chorus)

Crackling fire to keep me warm,
And my collection of asian porn,
Cradle my bells and work my horn,
It’s a keep on trucking, last year’s sucking,
Midget chucking, slap the puck in,
How much wood could a woodchuck chucking,
Merry F&*#@!g Christmas!